When I was young, all I EVER WANTED was to be in a happy family. There were moments, of course, when I  WAS. When we were all happy. I remember feeling just so RIGHT when my grandparents, aunt, uncles and cousins would all descend onto one house for dramatically gleeful holiday hours together. I felt such joy!

But of course, people and families are complicated, and by the time I was 16, my family fell apart. Not just my nuclear family, but also my extended family. Aunts and uncles no longer together. Cousins scattered hither and yon. And that was that.

I absolutely love my family! And yet there are some big challenges. Some are ancient, still creeping around after all the DECADES that have passed since childhood. Old family patterns die hard!

Some have bloomed more recently, fueled by the political climate or particular life struggles of certain family members which other family members have developed highly-charged opinions in response to.

Those simple family gatherings of my childhood are only a memory now. And yet there is still love. And the hope for joy.

If you have plans to share a meal with near and dear, who may–or may not!–share your own personal dietary, political, religious or social preferences, I have something for you. It’s a simple phrase I’ve found supercharges my ‘wisdom superpowers’ for days like today, when easy harmony with family seems unlikely…

The phrase is: MAKE SPACE

This is a simple statement, yet it’s been a savior for me in complex family get togethers.

How does it work? I make the decision to consciously invoke the phrase MAKE SPACE as my “go-to” reminder through the day. This invites the different parts of me–my body, my emotions, my mind…–to let go of any urge to “close down” inside myself or “close in on” someone upsetting me, and open up room for life, instead.

Anytime I start feeling uncomfortable, insulted, disappointed, outraged or dismissed, I remember to MAKE SPACE. To allow ‘what is’ to be there.

Without fail, when I take this approach I have a great experience of the day–and perhaps most importantly–of myself!

Here are ways you can rely on the magic of the phrase–MAKE SPACE–today:

• MAKE SPACE in your belly for the big day.

Eat lightly the morning before your big meal, so you have space  to accommodate and digest more food and emotions than usual, today. Physical discomfort can lead to increased alcohol consumption, negative thinking and less-than-ideal behavior. You can MAKE SPACE for your physical needs and balance as a foundation for the day ahead.

•MAKE SPACE for the day’s timing to unfold however it does.

You might not get out the door exactly when you planned. Or your guests might arrive earlier or later than expected. All the wonderful dishes you’re preparing might not  all hit the serving table at the perfect synchronized moment.

That’s all OKAY. Give yourself permission now to MAKE SPACE for however timing plays out today. Just enjoy every moment as it unfolds.

• MAKE SPACE for everyone to be who they are.

Yes, you’ve always found your cousin-twice-removed to be an annoying bore at the dinner table. Or you’re bracing for nasty political rants while at the same time trying to focus on “being the love.”

Actually, this is all OK! Thanksgiving is the perfect opportunity to practice MAKING SPACE–for listening–to what others have to say. And MAKING SPACE for how you disagree.

We are all on this planet temporarily. We never know when death, divorce or something else will change everything. The truth is–NONE of us are getting out of this life alive!

On this day set aside for gratitude, we can all take the day away from work and other concerns to cherish WHOEVER we’re with, regardless of their beliefs or behavior. I’m not saying agree. I’m not saying condone. I’m just saying, whoever they are, they won’t be here forever. And neither will you.

So why not, just for a day, shift gears to focus on the affection you have for their form. Their smile. The way they walk. For the very life flowing through them. This is a miracle that doesn’t last forever! And I think you’ll find you can truly enjoy this miracle, if you MAKE SPACE.

• MAKE SPACE in your heart and mind for everyone to behave however they do.

You can think of the dinning room as if it were a set in an entertaining movie. Pull back your “camera” to enjoy the “wide view” as if you’re a cinematographer, taking in the whole scene. Enjoy noticing details and “composing your frame of vision.”

Keep your sense of humor. (And consider keeping it mainly to yourself!)

In this way, you can MAKE SPACE for almost any type of drama, and still enjoy every minute of the movie you’re watching, even if the plot contains the most alarming characters!

• MAKE SPACE for everyone to be where they are.

When it comes to food choices, political leanings and family gossip, you probably feel fairly clear about where you stand. You’ve decided that yes, you’ve done the research and you know what’s right. (And you probably do!)

But instead of making others wrong for their choices–which may feel particularly foisted in your face on a fun family day like Thanksgiving–MAKE SPACE for the possibility that the folks you don’t agree with haven’t quite arrived at their final choice yet. Not in a condescending way, but in a way that opens up space for hope.

Maybe they are still in process, and will eventually “see the light,” and stop purchasing and eating foods from toxic and/or unethical sources, take a stand against racism, or finally accept, with love and forgiveness, the mistakes of a fallen family member.

And while you’re at it, MAKE SPACE for the possibility that you yourself are still engaged in a dynamic life process, and your perspective, opinions, decisions and stances may change as your life journey continues.

• MAKE SPACE for your own feelings.

Family get togethers inevitably bring up deep feelings. In spite of your best efforts to be philosophical and cool-minded, someone says something hurtful. Or, as so often happens in family gatherings, old patterns or memories are touched on–shaken AND stirred.

This is OKAY! You’re allowed to feel your feels! You can MAKE SPACE for your feelings even while sitting at the dinner table with everyone. You can make a little space by glancing out the window at the wide out-of-doors, knowing Nature is always there for you. Or focus on your breath moving in and out of your body–without ever leaving the table.

Or get up and move a bit, to MAKE SPACE for your feelings to flow in the bathroom, a quiet bedroom, the backyard for a few minutes. Or promise your feelings some quiet time when you’re on your own later in the evening.

You can MAKE SPACE AROUND your feelings, too. Let them arise without taking them TOO seriously. Yes, let them have their space! So much better than tightening down on what arises in you, pressing your emotional energy into an defensive weapon you really, REALLY don’t want to launch!

• MAKE SPACE for laughter and joy!

These can come up even in the midst of chaos and conflict. When you notice a chance to enjoy the beauty, the connection–even the silliness of the moment–take it! Make space for a hardy laugh with someone who also hurts your feelings. Connect with a child in a playful way. Or dwell on Aunt Charlotte’s favorite joke or memory with her, just to see her joy.

Whatever you’re facing inside or around you, as long as you can MAKE SPACE, you’re leaving a little room for a wider perspective. And also, for the possibility of a shift. Because you just NEVER know when GRACE will descend, loosen up the current form of things and transform it all – in you, in another person or in a situation.

Now I’m off to get ready for the day ahead!

As I whisk up my must-have Fresh Cranberry Relish to lighten and brighten digestion and mood today, I’ll be thinking of you!

Happy Thanksgiving! (I’m grateful for YOU!)

with care,

When I was young, all I EVER WANTED was to be in a happy family. There were moments, of course, when I  WAS. When we were all happy. I remember feeling just so RIGHT when my grandparents, aunt, uncles and cousins would all descend onto one house for dramatically gleeful holiday hours together. I felt such joy!

But of course, people and families are complicated, and by the time I was 16, my family fell apart. Not just my nuclear family, but also my extended family. Aunts and uncles no longer together. Cousins scattered hither and yon. And that was that.

I absolutely love my family! And yet there are some big challenges. Some are ancient, still creeping around after all the DECADES that have passed since childhood. Old family patterns die hard!

Some have bloomed more recently, fueled by the political climate or particular life struggles of certain family members which other family members have developed highly-charged opinions in response to.

Those simple family gatherings of my childhood are only a memory now. And yet there is still love. And the hope for joy.

If you have plans to share a meal with near and dear, who may–or may not!–share your own personal dietary, political, religious or social preferences, I have something for you. It’s a simple phrase I’ve found supercharges my ‘wisdom superpowers’ for days like today, when easy harmony with family seems unlikely…

The phrase is: MAKE SPACE

This is a simple statement, yet it’s been a savior for me in complex family get togethers.

How does it work? I make the decision to consciously invoke the phrase MAKE SPACE as my “go-to” reminder through the day. This invites the different parts of me–my body, my emotions, my mind…–to let go of any urge to “close down” inside myself or “close in on” someone upsetting me, and open up room for life, instead.

Anytime I start feeling uncomfortable, insulted, disappointed, outraged or dismissed, I remember to MAKE SPACE. To allow ‘what is’ to be there.

Without fail, when I take this approach I have a great experience of the day–and perhaps most importantly–of myself!

Here are ways you can rely on the magic of the phrase–MAKE SPACE–today:

• MAKE SPACE in your belly for the big day.

Eat lightly the morning before your big meal, so you have space  to accommodate and digest more food and emotions than usual, today. Physical discomfort can lead to increased alcohol consumption, negative thinking and less-than-ideal behavior. You can MAKE SPACE for your physical needs and balance as a foundation for the day ahead.

•MAKE SPACE for the day’s timing to unfold however it does.

You might not get out the door exactly when you planned. Or your guests might arrive earlier or later than expected. All the wonderful dishes you’re preparing might not  all hit the serving table at the perfect synchronized moment.

That’s all OKAY. Give yourself permission now to MAKE SPACE for however timing plays out today. Just enjoy every moment as it unfolds.

• MAKE SPACE for everyone to be who they are.

Yes, you’ve always found your cousin-twice-removed to be an annoying bore at the dinner table. Or you’re bracing for nasty political rants while at the same time trying to focus on “being the love.”

Actually, this is all OK! Thanksgiving is the perfect opportunity to practice MAKING SPACE–for listening–to what others have to say. And MAKING SPACE for how you disagree.

We are all on this planet temporarily. We never know when death, divorce or something else will change everything. The truth is–NONE of us are getting out of this life alive!

On this day set aside for gratitude, we can all take the day away from work and other concerns to cherish WHOEVER we’re with, regardless of their beliefs or behavior. I’m not saying agree. I’m not saying condone. I’m just saying, whoever they are, they won’t be here forever. And neither will you.

So why not, just for a day, shift gears to focus on the affection you have for their form. Their smile. The way they walk. For the very life flowing through them. This is a miracle that doesn’t last forever! And I think you’ll find you can truly enjoy this miracle, if you MAKE SPACE.

• MAKE SPACE in your heart and mind for everyone to behave however they do.

You can think of the dinning room as if it were a set in an entertaining movie. Pull back your “camera” to enjoy the “wide view” as if you’re a cinematographer, taking in the whole scene. Enjoy noticing details and “composing your frame of vision.”

Keep your sense of humor. (And consider keeping it mainly to yourself!)

In this way, you can MAKE SPACE for almost any type of drama, and still enjoy every minute of the movie you’re watching, even if the plot contains the most alarming characters!

• MAKE SPACE for everyone to be where they are.

When it comes to food choices, political leanings and family gossip, you probably feel fairly clear about where you stand. You’ve decided that yes, you’ve done the research and you know what’s right. (And you probably do!)

But instead of making others wrong for their choices–which may feel particularly foisted in your face on a fun family day like Thanksgiving–MAKE SPACE for the possibility that the folks you don’t agree with haven’t quite arrived at their final choice yet. Not in a condescending way, but in a way that opens up space for hope.

Maybe they are still in process, and will eventually “see the light,” and stop purchasing and eating foods from toxic and/or unethical sources, take a stand against racism, or finally accept, with love and forgiveness, the mistakes of a fallen family member.

And while you’re at it, MAKE SPACE for the possibility that you yourself are still engaged in a dynamic life process, and your perspective, opinions, decisions and stances may change as your life journey continues.

• MAKE SPACE for your own feelings.

Family get togethers inevitably bring up deep feelings. In spite of your best efforts to be philosophical and cool-minded, someone says something hurtful. Or, as so often happens in family gatherings, old patterns or memories are touched on–shaken AND stirred.

This is OKAY! You’re allowed to feel your feels! You can MAKE SPACE for your feelings even while sitting at the dinner table with everyone. You can make a little space by glancing out the window at the wide out-of-doors, knowing Nature is always there for you. Or focus on your breath moving in and out of your body–without ever leaving the table.

Or get up and move a bit, to MAKE SPACE for your feelings to flow in the bathroom, a quiet bedroom, the backyard for a few minutes. Or promise your feelings some quiet time when you’re on your own later in the evening.

You can MAKE SPACE AROUND your feelings, too. Let them arise without taking them TOO seriously. Yes, let them have their space! So much better than tightening down on what arises in you, pressing your emotional energy into an defensive weapon you really, REALLY don’t want to launch!

• MAKE SPACE for laughter and joy!

These can come up even in the midst of chaos and conflict. When you notice a chance to enjoy the beauty, the connection–even the silliness of the moment–take it! Make space for a hardy laugh with someone who also hurts your feelings. Connect with a child in a playful way. Or dwell on Aunt Charlotte’s favorite joke or memory with her, just to see her joy.

Whatever you’re facing inside or around you, as long as you can MAKE SPACE, you’re leaving a little room for a wider perspective. And also, for the possibility of a shift. Because you just NEVER know when GRACE will descend, loosen up the current form of things and transform it all – in you, in another person or in a situation.

Now I’m off to get ready for the day ahead!

As I whisk up my must-have Fresh Cranberry Relish to lighten and brighten digestion and mood today, I’ll be thinking of you!

Happy Thanksgiving! (I’m grateful for YOU!)

with care,